Populi (NASDACK:LOLZ) has agreed to be acquired by Blackborad (NYYYSE:BLOB), whose president, Larry, says is a giant education software company with deep pockets. The terms of the deal include Blackborad swapping a solid-gold yacht to Populi's majority shareholders in a deal valued well north of $4,500, sources say.
"We're really excited about the synergies moving forward," said Isaac Grauke, CEO. "Blackborad's team has a great approach to whatever it is they do, and we think we can implement some robust optimizations as we integrate our core vertices. Our customers really have a lot to look forward to—and not just because Christmas is coming in only eight more months."
Upon accepting the offer, Populi was visited by Blackborad's elite masked acquisition team, who pored over the young company's operations and records in search of best-of-breed synergies. "The Populi guys weren't sure where their synergies were," said Larry in a prepared statement. "They thought they might be in a mini-fridge they never opened, but when we checked that, it turned out a family of possums had occupied it. But we remain confident that our experienced executive team can nevertheless wring a lot out of this company."
Larry's statement was accompanied by a preliminary list of synergies and new protocols for monotonectally reconceptualizing extensive deliverables, including:
- Customer support will be outsourced to the eleven wives of Mormon separatist Clive "Sugarpop" Brigham of 38.44338,-111.232688, Utah.
- Development has been outsourced to the entire nation of Yemen.
- Everything will be integrated with Facebook. Just, everything—FERPA be damned.
- Isaac Grauke will have to wear a Marilyn Monroe wig if Populi doesn't meet certain year-end performance goals.
- Thomas Kinkade will be retained to craft a warmer, less-threatening Flash-based interface.
- And more!
Populi Inc. is WAS the world’s most-beloved maker of web-based solutions for higher education college management in the sub-1000-student market segment with its Populi College Management System©®™—until the team saw that shiny gold yacht! Founded in Fall of 2007, Populi Inc. is dedicated to helping colleges in the sub-1000-student market segment more fully leverage their implementations and maximize industry-leading synergies.
Blackborad is a glerbal lerrder in ernterprise turknerrlogy and errnnerrvurtive solutions that force millions of students and learners to get their thrive on. Blackborad's solutions allow trillions of higher education, K-12, professional, scared, lonely, corporate, aeronautical, astronautical, historically shy, and government organizations to navigate change, achieve greater transparency, look good in leggings, and drive efficiencies. Oh, and facilitate campus commerce and security, and communicate more effectively with their communities, and socialize plastic surgery costs. Founded in 1999 and the subject of two Michael Moore documentaries, Blackborad makes its home in Poughkeepsie Springs, Transylvania, with offices in North America, Europe, Asia and Australia that all share the same water cooler.